Unbalanced family is like an unbalance diet

There's times where we eat an unbalanced diet because we want to. There's times we eat an unbalanced diet because we're busy and/or don't make time. And there's time where we eat an unbalanced diet because we simply have no choice! In the end, it really doesn't matter why, we end up with a body that's not getting what it needs.

So it goes with family. Right now we're out of whack because we have no choice. I'm not who I normally am. Pain. Stress. Impatience. So it goes. But I see the playing out in the rest of the family. The scale is unbalanced. Too much Mr. Incredible around when he's more like Mr. Incredulous. The scale will be balanced with time. This is a time to learn and to grown. The Greenhouse 5 will be back, right now it's more like Greenhouse4.5

Is it easier to help or be helped?

We live in what I consider to be a pretty stuffy neighborhood. People are nice but not too nice. The yards are relatively big and you could really survive without having to see anyone. Up to this point most don't even know that I'm laid up even though I've been laid up for almost 5 weeks. Today while picking up some yard trimmings that the garbage men didn't take (in my cast) , a neighbor yelled across the relatively busy side street "Do you need some help?". I waved him off. Just now another neighbor emailed to ask if he could help. Missed opportunity on 2 fronts.

One thing I've learned, is that you ironically make friendships by making yourself vulnerable. Sometimes, God takes care of making you vulnerable. Other times you have humble yourself. But in either case, others are served by serving you. Not in some mushy humanitarian way...but by letting others do things, conversations take place, trust can be built, walls can be broken down, and longer-term things happen.

Take my own example in our first home. Not long after we were moving in, I went to Radio Shack and bought the BIGGEST TV antenna they had. As I was struggling with carrying it up a ladder...walking across the roof...avoiding high voltage lines...and steadying it for mounting, my neighbor across the street came running. I think he was concerned I was about to reproduce the Ben Franklin electricity experiment. He got on the roof and gave me that extra hand needed to mount it. From that, a friendship grew. And with that, after he got married, he began to sense God's tug on his life, partly through conversations with me. Soon after, he and his wife were at our church, eventually making decisions to follow Christ. It all started with my need.

Another example is a story by Pastor Don Piper, who survives a horrific crash and finds himself in an unbelievable tale of recovery. He describes this moment in the book, "90 Minutes in Heaven", in which he realizes his need to let others serve him.

"In my thinking, I was being selfless and not trying to impose on them or cause them any trouble...In reality, I was being selfish. There was also an element of pride there---which I couldn't admit then. I knew how to give generously to others, but pride wouldn't let me receive others' generosity.

Another scenario that comes to mind also involves pride. Think of the pride of self. "If I let others help me, I owe them. I don't want to owe them. I won't even ask because if I do, I will be obligated to return the favor" A reality of the way you and I think at times. Some more than others of course...but in reality, all of us.

So in the end...amongst other things...we must learn the skill of letting others help us. And what's the ultimate goal here? The gospel of course.

Go and be helped. You might want to do some helping too, just don't forget both sides of the equation.

Instant Vacation Bible School: Just Add Kids

Do my kids go? Of course. Do they have fun? Of course. Do they sing songs about Jesus? Of course. Do they learn some verses? Of course. How many camps did they go to this year? 2+. Would they gladly go to 10 more? Yes, without blinking.

Of the 3 VBS's we were involved in. One is a large multi-church event with hundreds of kids. It has tremendous involvement from the community. It's a "mega" event, with many churched and non-churched kids, encouraging visitors daily. Another is with the church we do AWANA with, a closed, preregistered event. It ends with a tempting catered BBQ on a Sunday morning. The last is a church we've been loosely connected to via a homeschool group. It's almost a day camp, with the usual VBS stuff, with other electives thrown in (sewing, cooking, crafts). It's almost a full day. It's also a preregistered, closed event.

But with all that said, I'm ready to call a spade a spade. Consider a few quotes from some online articles about the VBS "market".

• "Despite the cost, many churches believe they could not do without VBS. With more parents working full time, VBS has emerged as a relatively inexpensive summer day care option for some families who rotate their children from church to church to fill up the summer school break."
• "Parents and children now compare church to other venues, to children's museums, to high-tech elementary schools, Disney, even their pediatricians' offices are multimedia now," May said. "That's where children and parents are now, and church should probably not have the same homemade feel as when I was a child."
• "About half a dozen major publishers now dominate the VBS kit market, and use development methods similar to any consumer product company introducing shampoo or cell phones: extensive market research, hefty technology investment, and field testing with children to see what works and what doesn't."
• “We’re about ministry,” says Cushing. “I know there are parents who use us as daycare. They’ll sign their kids up for five straight weeks. But [the Apostle] Paul said that what matters is that Christ is preached. I don’t care why they come. That they come is what I’m concerned about.”

I'll at this point add that Wonder Woman's first exposure to church was a large VBS. From there, she went to Sunday School, and then on to being a regular attender at church. It was at VBS she made a profession of faith. That profession, though simple in knowledge, developed into a deep faith with time.

So what is the purpose of VBS? Is it day care? Is it to strengthen the relationship to God of already-churched kids? Is it to introduce new kids and families to church? Is it simply for fun? Is it for day care? Is it all of these?

I'm not necessarily going to answer these questions. But I'll add there's a fine line here that parallels the American church in many other areas. The danger to make the primary focus the event and demote Christ to secondary. The danger to push the fun stuff to fit in to the culture. The danger to be a great club, available without membership dues.

As a Christian, if you're not struggling with these questions...then just call it day care.

The "whys" of life

We all hit them. Some in stride, whereas some stop us in our tracks. "Why?" Why does God allow things to happen? Why doesn't God do things that "should" happen?

In the last year, I've seen a family in our church lose their only son at 18 in a car crash; now, another family we're friends with are facing almost certain death of the father to brain cancer. These are huge events. Acceptance or despair? Joy, sadness, or both.

On my homefront, an ankle break and surgery has me down. Literally on the day I return to work after a 3 week hiatus, I begin to experience abdominal pain. A few excruciating nights of pain later, I'm diagnosed with a kidney stone. It's still there...and I've got that feeling of being kicked while I'm already down.

I tend to take things in stride...it will all work out. No big deal. Push through and get on with it. It's just "life", don't over-analyze it. I know God's plans are what are executed. Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

But especially when the "Why"s compound, I think it's a fair question to ask. God...What do you want to happen here? How does this fit into your plans? Are you trying to tell me something? Is there discipline going on here?

All reasonable questions to ask...and I believe He will answer.

Not deep and wide

My spare time on the computer continues to be spent more on Facebook than here. Interesting that if you compare my personality from my interactions in a blog versus Facebook, you might think one was a ghost writer. Though I'm corny in both places, my Facebook thoughts are much more guarded whereas here, I am much more apt to let my thoughts flow. I enjoy word play and written banter...very much so in fact...and Facebook allows that with a wide, diverse audience. But it's hard to "be yourself" in a group of 100+ people that vary so widely.

So I keep it at a comfortable level...people like it that way. But every once in a while at least, I got to come over here and let it all hang out.

Miss California slammed

Keith Lewis of the Miss USA pageant said "religious beliefs have no politics in the Miss California family." Anyone want to break that statement down for me? GEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! Thought police.

What if Google was REALLY slow?

You click. You wait. You click "stop". Refresh. Close. Reboot. Kick. Yell. Call IT? Try a different search engine. Yell again. Scream. Is this speed measured by a baud rate? ARGH?!!?! The answers aren't there!

Interesting in looking at the lives of Joseph and David, they both went through a considerable period in their early adult lives waiting for what God had foretold. In the case of Joseph, after having those "everybody's going to bow to me" dreams, he had to go through years of slavery and prison before that was realized. David gets annointed king but has to run around the wilderness hiding in caves, running for his life for a decade or so. Patience and faith. Patience for God's timing. Faith that He will do as He says and desires.

So click and wait...just keep the right frame of mind.

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

Danger, danger, danger

I stumbled upon Soren Kierkegaard while studying the book of Ruth. The author of the book I was reading ("Faithful God", by Sinclair Ferguson) quoted him in noting that what we really believe about God is reflected in how we live, how we respond to challenges, crises, and trials.

"The greatest danger for a child, where religion is concerned
The greatest danger is not that his father or tutor should be a free-thinker, not even his being a hypocrite. No, the danger lies in his being a pious, God-fearing man, and in the child being convinced thereof, but that he should nevertheless notice that deep in his soul there lies hidden an unrest which, consequently, not even the fear of God and piety could calm. The danger is that the child in this situation is almost provoked to draw a conclusion about God, that God is not infinite love."

Good stuff. But when I read a little more. Boy this guy was a thinker. Amazing that the heart of man really never changes. More stuff from this guy, any relevance to today?

Secularised "Church" congregations are meaningless: The idea of congregations keeps individuals as children since Christians are disinclined from taking the initiative to take responsibility for their own relation to God. Kierkegaard stresses that "Christianity is the individual, here, the single individual. When individuals are faithful, congregational life is a natural and meaningful existence."

The prime years

Today I'm 37. Am I in my prime? There has been my debate about what the prime years are. Is it the teen years? The 20's? The golden years. Actually, it's pretty simple, in my expected life expectancy, there's 21 prime years, and I'm in one of them. It started at 2, then 3, then 5, then 7. I never really understood until now, but now that I do...gosh darnit, I'm going to embrace it. Odd as it may be (certainly not even), I've only got about 9 of these left.

Mathematically dilemma of life: Does a + b always equal c?

Am I being illogical in assuming life is logical? My mind wants to assume that the left side of the equation should always equal the right (and vice versa). Take this to it's logical conclusion, and the actions/events of life lead to results, and the results are the summation of actions/events. Call me simplistic, but I'm not the only one...and I guarantee you do it too.

There was recently a shooting here in Danville, not exactly your high crime community. Put this in the logicameter ... (drugs + bad choices) = shooting/death. Easy peesy, lemon squeezy. I'm sure I could add to the actions/events with more facts, but what is more lacking and unknown is the result, the right side in this equation.

I suppose these are the "when God doesn't make sense moments" in life. When we see the answer and yet fail to understand. Why did so-and-so get taken so soon? Why am I blessed/cursed in situation x when I've done y? I don't always understand, and when I do, perhaps I don't.

So, I leave you with this, from William Cowper, "God moves in mysterious ways"
"His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding ev'ry hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flow'r."

Dances with death

It's something we realize and I don't know any who wouldn't agree....death is inches, if not millimeters away. No matter how young or old, it could come anytime. Some have experienced it much closer than I...friends and family taken before their time. Though it's in my head, I don't know that I really comprehend how close it really is...it takes reminders to have it sink in.

Last year, Dash just about ran in front of a car in Hawaii. It was a blind alley; I watched it unfold in slow motion. Him running, car screeching, stomach dropping. No matter how fast he can run, it wouldn't have been fast enough. Wouldn't have been anybody's fault, the car should've slowed (the mom was obviously in hurry), Dash shouldn't have been running there, Mr. Incredible should have stopped him. But it wouldn't have mattered. He would have been gone.

Last night, while I was enjoying a fire and Wonder Woman was sleeping next to me. Dash swallowed a marble, or should I say, partially swallowed a marble. At breakfast he commented while eating his cereal, "My throat hurts a little bit...it's because of the marble I swallowed last night." From what I can gather, he was tossing it in his bed...and missed. I gather he managed to cough it up, he said he "made a little noise" while getting it up. Another close call.

So, suffice to say, some kids make it more exciting than others. But the reminder is close to home. God in His grace keeps us going. The thought of losing my kids or others close to me is hard to bear, yet the realization of His sustaining their lives gives me great joy. Thank you God for another day...it's never boring.

Yes I am still here

Likely most of my readership is gone by the wayside, but that's OK. Facebook has gotten some of my time, and I honestly don't know where my brain has gone, but it seems to be emptier than normal.

Anyhow, one interesting phenomenon in parenting is trying to instill things into your children that you don't have. Pick one...discipline, compassion, patience, gentleness.... I find personally that discipline is pretty high on my list. I'm an action guy, I like the exciting times...activities that move... but I'm not so good when it comes to disciplining myself to get better, especially in the mundane. You can go to a certain point on instinct and raw ability, in fact pretty far if you've got the knack...but to become good or great, you've got to have the discipline.

In parenting, yes...each child is their own. And yes, they constantly surprise me with their abilities, many of which I don't have. But...I cringe when I see the nagging traits repeating themselves. Luckily they get the good stuff too I guess :-)

So in the New Year, a repeating mantra to self. Do not be satisfied with the previous status quo. Fail and fail again. But never give up. How much more powerful the lesson to succeed when failure has been repeated over (and over) again. And share those victories (and failures) with your kids...it's good for them to know you fail too.

Some good advice

I have a superior who often uses the phrase "All things reveal themselves with time." Really good advice...a proverb of sorts that I refer to often. There is of course the followup question, "How much time?".

This week I had a former superior get fired for what I surmise was inappropriate interaction with an outside company. The specifics don't matter, but the bottom line is that a code of ethics was broken and he paid the price. An interesting sidenote is that I observed the infractions firsthand and was very uncomfortable with my working relationship while in that position. He certainly had a hand in my "moving on". My decision, but a hand nonetheless. So in this case, the answer was about 5 years.

In another relationship, I lived with an individual who would definitely rival Jacob (remember Esau) in his deceiptfulness; no doubt in my mind he'd steal lunch money from a kindergartener and not feel a twinge of guilt. Over the course of decades, the game went on. Though the consequences for this individual still to this day haven't necessarily completely hit, there's been some sense of justice and for many around him, the cover is blown. In this case, the answer is decades if not more.

We've all got these situations in our lives. And many times it seems that no good deed goes unpunished while these types keep plugging along. There's some solace in seeing justice; not in the sense of getting revenge, but in the sense of seeing consequences for actions.

In the end, we've all got a payment to make...the Bible makes that clear. I'm relieved that much of what I've done WON'T be revealed in time. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. So in my life, at least for my soul's sake, the best answer is an eternity.

Guilty as charged

A story that I'll pass on from some reading I'm doing...this is from a sermon about Joseph by Ron Ritchie of Peninsula Bible Church

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In l983 I was fifty, and my son Ron, Jr. was about to turn twenty-one. So I invited him out to dinner at a local restaurant to celebrate his passage into responsible manhood. At the same time I wanted to have a last man-to-man conversation with him about all the spiritual and practical principles I had learned in my fifty years on this earth about my relationship with the Lord, women, money, and the choice of a career. We had a wonderful dinner, and then during dessert I asked him if I could share some of these things. He said he would really like that. So I began laying out some basic principles of life, and some of my mistakes as well as some of my successes. He sat there listening for more than an hour, and then when I was finished I asked him if he had any comments or questions. I will never forget his mature response:

"Dad, I heard every word you said. But could I just ask you one question?"

"Yes, of course," I said.

"Do I have to be fifty at twenty-one?" my beloved first-born asked. For as he listened he understood that physical, emotional, and spiritual maturity doesn't happen overnight, but it is a process that continues over a lifetime, and he was hoping that I also understood that.
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A good reminder for us parents!

Some holiday wanderings with the camera phone

Things get strange when Wonder Woman doesn't come. A journey to where no man has gone before...

First, the reason why Wonder Woman couldn't join us. She was having lunch with an old friend...


Yes, as Cosmic Boy noted, this trail seems to have no end.


An unlocked man-hole cover--I wonder where it goes?


Now where is that lock when I need it?


Lucky for Cosmic Boy, Dynagirl, and Dash...there was an escape portal...


Now, where do I get me some of those? I think this guy is kookier than me...


Some ice cream. Hmm, good.


The end (of the train)